Lessons in cultivating the art of joy, a path to happiness
by Patricia Frisch Ph.D
Let your throat song be clear and strong enough. To make an emperor fall full length suppliant at the door… You that came to birth And bring the mysteries. Your voice thunder makes us happy. Roar lion of the heart and tear me open Rumi
At the August 2009 Estes Park YMCA retreat, a traditional 5-day event with Thich Nhat Hahn entitled One Buddha is not Enough, we resided in the beautiful Rocky Mountain National Park. We had brought my 20 year-old son, Kyle, to the retreat, as I wanted him to experience first hand my root teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, the venerable Vietnamese Zen Buddhist master.
On the first evening, we were stunned to find out that Thay, meaning teacher, was in a hospital in Boston with a serious respiratory infection and on IV antibiotics. Just like that, a heavy wave of disappointment washed over me, feelings of loss that he wasn’t teaching, and especially that my son was losing this opportunity for which we so carefully planned.
Lesson one on the path of the Buddha: Things change in a heartbeat, for better or for worse, and we can drop into painful feelings with one fast trigger. How do we go forward with a steady step when there is pain in our heart, our hopes are dashed, and dark, dank feelings flood up with threads to barely graspable memories of earlier losses? We know we hurt because we feel it in our bodies – the squeezing, contracting shortness of breath and depressed weight that suddenly tightens around us. We can hardly see, our eyes become slits of inner pain. Buddha called this the first noble truth: There is suffering.
Lesson two: OK… regroup in the present moment. One thousand of us collectively turned the corner fairly quickly considering how much intention everyone had to come and “see Thay”. For Kyle, who had never met Thay, the retreat was still a novel experience. Most of the monks and nuns of the Order of Interbeing, and the lay Order Members were present and they all embody Thay’s teachings with full integrity. They have become awakened teachers through their own lifetime of discipline and practice, thus creating a monastic environment to contain us.
The present moment was the focus. The original shock, we can say the gift of shock, opened everyone up more to each other. We had come to the retreat and, at this point, wanted to have an important personal experience under any circumstances.
Lesson three: Awaken under any circumstance. This lesson is critical, as over and over again we are faced with challenges, at times desperate ones that feel “unfair”. We were presented with a situation that was not our fantasy agenda and we went forward, staying present with each moment, and with an innocent receptivity to be with what happened next. This is a good Buddhist plan. Just be present and keep breathing through each successive moment, and stay mindful. Use any and all crises to open yourself up, feel deeply, come alive, and learn to feel with others in crisis as well.
Lesson four: As Thay states, mindfulness of each moment brings concentration. Concentration brings insight. Insight liberates us from our habitual mental gyrations that slam us hard against the reality of what is. So, there we were with an unexpected reality. What an opportunity to truly embody the practice, rather than a guru-driven, idealized projection onto Thay. We had an opportunity to be liberated by and live within the insight that we are not separate or separated. We may appear separate, but something more numinous connects us, a thread may appear in our dreams or in other prescient ways. Thay was with us – but not in form, and we discovered this through our own subjective insights
.Lesson five: We are Buddha. We can awaken now within. We can stop looking outward to find the golden key. It is here. Let go, stop craving, wanting, needing something… and resisting the current circumstances. These habit energies, as Thay calls them, create inner and outer conditions that lead to suffering, the second noble truth. Let go and find the joy now. The third and fourth noble truths are about happiness, the opposite of suffering. There is happiness, the third noble truth, and there is a path to happiness, the fourth truth.
In life, lessons abound with every single circumstance in which we find ourselves. Each circumstance provides a window of choice starting now. Penetrate the circumstance you are in with concentration and feel insight emerge. Experience your inherent wisdom. Breathe into that and let go. Each circumstance or challenge may elicit profound suffering and yet be a window to deep opening, softening and revelation about our true nature.
By the time we had our “talent show” at Estes that summer, the drama was behind us. We were a group, a sangha in Buddhist lingo, moving well through our paces of practice. Kyle, a singer/songwriter, was working with the young adults group through most of the retreat. Musicians were lining up and Kyle mentioned he would write a song for the talent show.
What happened is important not just so I can brag about my son, (in truth, I am prone to do that anyway), but rather to make the point of this article. Joy abounds in the path of practice. The collective buzz of a spiritual path, or a religious event, is for the form to dominate and the tone to be serious. And there are important ceremonies and times for meticulous rituals and deep, silent seriousness. There are also possible moments of absolute joy, the excitement of the present and the deep quiet happiness and satisfaction that follows. I am suggesting we expand our view of what constitutes “spiritual practice”.
In fact, we can cultivate happiness by focusing on the conditions of happiness we have right now. Yes, in the moment there is appreciation, in the moment there is sunlight, in the moment there is a bird outside our window, and in the moment there is love within us, a warm-hearted sweetness that feels expansive, soft and open. In the moment there may be excruciating pain as well, but in our honest awareness of what we truly feel, we experience our aliveness. All our conscious, aware, felt experiences are the practice.
Lesson six: As we recognize the conditions for happiness in the moment, something happens. We realize we can do this even in the midst of suffering. We have discovered the path out! There is a place of personal balance and acceptance that the Buddhists call equanimity...in spite of everything. We discover an illuminated awareness within. We didn’t “see” Thay, but experienced his teachings none-the-less, and found an awakening for which we all came. When we can let go within the circumstances, we can find a different sense of self.
During the talent show, there was great laughter, hilarious skits, wonderful performances, and homespun acts. Kyle sang his song and the group roared – clapping, hooting and dancing for the joy of it.
Yes, we can be happy. And yes, we can let loose, relax and “feel the spirit”, as gospel gatherings have always known.
Please watch the video of Kyle’s performance on my web site and remember the spirit can speak through pleasure and joy. Listen through to the very end, hear the ringing of the bell and a nun’s conversation with Thay.
As Thay says, You have arrived and you are home, everywhere and always.
And the speck of my heart, in my shed of flesh
and bone, began to sing out, the way the sun
would sing if the sun could sing, if light had
a mouth and tongue, if the sky had a throat…
West Wind by Mary Oliver
Patricia Frisch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and MFT in private practice in Mill Valley, California, and an orgone (Reichian) therapist. Learn more about Dr. Frisch by clicking here.
Download a printable copy of Joy Abounds in the Path of Practice by clicking here.