How Time Passes: Aging

As time passes we age. We are presented with both challenges and satisfying plateaus. Throughout our life, on our birthdays or other significant events, we stop for a moment and take stock. We may ask: How do I feel about my life? What are critical considerations now? Have I accomplished the goals I have set? Do I experience satisfaction? Have I sacrificed meaning for money or sacrificed my emotional needs for security in an unsatisfying relationship? What are the changes I need to make? As we age these questions become more relevant.

Another aspect of aging is a felt sense of loss of prowess. As we age, we change. The high school athlete may now have injuries; the gregarious college student may struggle with serious illness; the successful entrepreneur may have experienced multiple failures and feels haggard. A friend put it this way: “I find myself resentful of the fact that I can no longer do things I think I can automatically do, even at the age of almost 80.” The psychological mission is to turn toward change, turn toward aging, as it reveals itself, while not simultaneously constructing a negative cognitive framework that locks us into a paradigm of discouragement, debilitation and decline. What a provocative conundrum.

As you age — and aging is with us from the start– you don’t notice its steady march, nor does it become relevant until one’s mid-30’s (give or take). Most healthy adults can run a marathon and hike with vigor in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. In your 60’s a few more signs of aging may cross your path. (For the record, many continue arduous exercise of all types into their 90’s.) Returning to our observations on youth, for the most part you look and feel fine, unless you have issues about your appearance that may have plagued you throughout your life. You are youthful, you identify with being “young” and you do not have concerns about aging, except maybe you notice a few early gray hairs and wrinkles.

At some point, (and it varies as to when aging concerns creep in), you become more aware that you are aging and you begin to feel its effects. You might experience aches and pains. You may notice less stamina — although this will vary from person to person. If you have young children, you may feel the effects of aging as you try to keep up with their energetic demands and all-encompassing parenting tasks.

You may feel a mid-life crisis of meaning – what is it all for? You ask the questions: Is my life turning out the way I had hoped? Have I accrued regrets? Should I change course and find a new direction? Profound questions come with aging. Alongside the evaluative questions are the symptoms of aging.

Elder Role Models

We have powerful and convincing elder role models that demonstrate impressive tenacity and endurance; they live the qualities of meaningful engagement, productivity and joy of commitment, regardless of age. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is one of those amazing individuals (you may have seen the movie RBG). She is an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States and 85 years old. Wow! She exemplifies the quintessential work ethic, coupled with fortitude, stamina and a vibrant sense of humor.

In fact, many of our politicians such as Diane Feinstein, born in 1933, also 85, or Bernie Sanders (77 years), model staying power. Many grandparents raise their grandchildren if the parents are indisposed and rise to the occasion. These individuals and others who continue to thrive into their 90’s and 100’s are examples of elders who do not inhabit an aging paradigm that states: “I am old so I don’t need to challenge myself”; “I am no longer a useful member of society.”; “I have so many symptoms that preoccupy me.” or “I won’t try, as I can’t compete with younger applicants.”

Another interesting aspect of aging is the felt internal sensibility of feeling young even though you inhabit an older body. You might not feel yourself aging even though physically you have aged. Some folks retain a sense of youthfulness inside and experience a shock that, in reality, they are much older than they feel. That experience may be inevitable if one has retained their liveliness and optimism.

As you age you may enter a phase of life that affords you more ease with less complication. You may feel wiser due to a lifetime of experience. You may feel sufficiently secure. Maybe you have grown kids and feel less burdened with the day-to-day management of family. Cultivate the ease along with engagement; cultivate balance.

Financial issues of retirement may be a critical consideration. Yet your attitude makes the difference. You may choose to work because you enjoy being actively engaged and you want to add funds to the coffers. How you approach the challenges of continued work is critical to your sense of well-being. If you tend to be a worrier, a tendency that may have plagued you much of your life, you will need to take that habit in hand so you do not destroy the rest of your precious life.

Living in the moment and appreciating a songbird or the falling leaves of the season brings appreciation and stillness – no matter what your circumstances. Get your priorities straight!

Aging brings new qualities and circumstances to invite into your life: the small aches and pains, a bit more tiredness (I hope you have learned the art of napping from a young age) — not to mention wrinkles, loss of hair and saggy skin (not for the vain of heart). Aging, at any age, may bring with it new medical maladies and conditions.

It is a compromise we must strike with time’s movement forward. Will we accept the tasks of aging: the opportunity to cultivate humility; humbled by our need for readers, our wobbly balance or memory lapses? Hints of age show up as technology races forward and as time outruns us. We keep up — but with effort. You can feel the impatience of younger folks — the sassy annoying arrogance of youth.
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When you become an elder, relish your wisdom, stake your territory and stand on your prized values – be willing to mentor. There is an opportunity to move toward death with understanding and cultivation of the transcendental nature of life. Embrace the efforts you have made toward a healthy and generous life. Embrace the love you give and the love you receive. Embrace both disappointments and life’s sweet joys.

Let aging — starting in your 30’s — bring you increasing appreciation of what you do have. Begin the process of aging with grace. Honor yourself, both your power and your humility. We do have to accept the march of time or we will fight all the way and waste precious energy.

Aging is inevitable, and it can bring peace of mind as you embody the natural flow of life.