December 2020: Chapter 1 Teaser from Dr. Frisch’s Upcoming Book

I am pleased to announce the publication of my new book in 2021 The Psychotherapy Solution in Troubled Times: Create a Better Life Now, written by me, Dr. Patricia Frisch.

The preface of my new book speaks to the critical importance of psychotherapy. The pandemic has certainly magnified the need for professional help as rising numbers of cases of Covid-19 emerge with no clear end in sight. In the US alone, as of November 15^th, 2020 – 245,000 died, 1000 dying daily up by 50% more than any other country; 181,000 new cases assault us daily. (NY Times, November 2020)

Statistics can be dry and have a numbing effect even though we witness the horror on a daily basis. The pain sears through us as each of us now knows someone who has been touched: deaths of babies, adolescents, young and old, brothers and sisters and their families feel the unbearable pain of loss that resides in  their hearts forever.

The potential of vaccines looks promising but the hurdles of the supply chain are daunting and obstacles abound to disperse them to a sufficient population next year. We can’t count on relief from the vaccines as yet.

We are touched by the loneliness demanded by the pandemic, loss of friends whom we don’t see up-close, isolation, longing for contact, hugs, and closeness with loved ones that alludes us.

It is not only the pandemic that is a problem as there are many other issues that call us to psychotherapy. Whether it is our difficulties in relationship, work related problems, the political polarization and alienation that has caused friends with differing views to become alienated, unemployment, domestic violence, and our life-long trauma that causes us to habitually overreact to name a few. We need help from a professional.

We are given ample advice, handy- hints online and we are overwhelmed by varying views from every corner. What we need is consistent presence from a licensed qualified professional that knows our strengths and weaknesses and can provide consistent support and confrontation when needed.

In Chapter 1 of my book, I describe opportunities for transformation. Here is a teaser of Chapter 1:

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The Call: Opportunities for Transformation

Transformative experiences make an enormous difference to the trajectory of your life. There are limited opportunities for significant personal transformation presented in a lifetime, although smaller growth moments may present more often. Smaller growth moments may be harbingers of larger changes but are incremental. These opportunities may come to you benignly — because you are receptive to subtle clues and have accomplished a healthy wholeness of self-identity and creative flow — or you are catapulted into a physical and/or psychological crisis that provokes you to make drastic changes. At times, no matter how you are living your life, how healthy and responsible you are psychologically and physically, you can be tossed out of your comfort zone and thrown into the mysteries of the unknown, shocked and upset and needing to learn new rules of the game.

How do you recognize the significant opportunities when the potential appears? Sometimes, if you are lucky (raised with good-enough parents and/or healthy enough circumstances), or by tremendous grit, you have created circumstances that line you up on a path to receive blessings – you are able to recognize a good thing when it comes your way or sense when lightning strikes within, with an idea. You are receptive and available to be touched by inspiration. You have developed your sensitivity and honed your intuitive skill (as you have developed early on without inhibiting shackles). You are able to see precise clarity of direction; you know with or without a doubt, your next steps. You experience courage even if you are terrified. You are able to mobilize and take a risk. You know you can take life’s next step; you accept the challenge. The invitation to transformation may come through a pivotal event, an influential person, a chance encounter – you are dramatically influenced. You are given an opportunity for transformation, you sense it, know it and grasp it.

Signs and Symptoms

Another way you may get clarity is through a life crisis – your established life crashes, sometimes with sudden fury that throws you sky-high then plummets you to the ground with a velocity that flattens your sense of your known life. Anyone who has experienced a natural disaster, a shattering divorce, the break-up of a family, sudden serious medical issue, a devastating loss of a son or daughter or other family member, unexpected career loss or loss of a cherished home understands the effects of cataclysmic forces of change and the psychological and physical upheaval that comes with it.

You may be caught in a lie that breaks the bonds of a relationship and destroys it. You get into a car accident that injures another or you are injured and life as you know it is changed permanently. You experience a betrayal or betray another and all is exposed. You may be diagnosed with a life-threatening or life-changing illness that forces you into a radical shift. You can consider these events a call, a term elaborated on by James Hillman in his book The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling (1996). It means life has called you out to transform with urgency: to reckon with the deepest lessons life can bestow on you. You are forced to reckon with impermanence, loss of the illusion of control. You are shattered for a time and everything you believed in is up for grabs. You are overcome with fear and anxiety, sadness and grief and later depression sets in and you may feel immobilized. You ponder the shattered pieces of a life spread out before you like broken shards of a vase.

Opportunities for transformation also come in smaller waves, with a subtle sense of drowning, nonetheless. Maybe your kids have gone away to college or moved on with their own families and you feel a terrible loss of meaning. Or you may experience meaninglessness without the empty-nest syndrome mentioned above. Feelings of emptiness can come at anytime; you are not sure what to live for or why you are still alive to face another day. You feel depressed — life is a slog. You might feel waves of anxiety that have taken up permanent residency. You ask yourself, Why am I so anxious? What is the cause of this underlying, ever-present anxiety? You are bitten by the nightly insomnia bug and can’t seem to settle. Or you have gained considerable weight and feel out-of-control as you chronically over eat every night. The list goes on, as small waves continue to drown you. You may realize you are not breathing — our bodies are in a vise grip of tension.

Symptoms persist: nightmares, chronic worrying, panic-attacks, reactivity, impulsivity, and you try various coping strategies. You get acupuncture, which can be helpful, but doesn’t quiet the source for very long. You try anti-depressants and those are helpful, too, but research shows that on their own, without therapy, medications are insufficient. You get massages or other soothing treatments. Still your symptoms linger; you are worn down.

Your anxiety may manifest in compulsively lining up your spice jars or replacing your objects daily in the same spots – everything in its proper place — as you try to establish a feeling of safety. You may wash your hands too often until they are red and irritated, fearful of contamination and possible sickness. You may infect your relationships with constant fearfulness and hyper-vigilance.

You may hide your uncertainty, your constant anxiety, in other ways such as over-controlling your weight: you may eat too little or vomit up what you eat as you obsess over thinness – a non-stop battle waged against your body. You may obsess about food — what we are going to eat, when we ate last — yet never experience satiation.

You may hang out at the bar, binge drinking to drown your opportunities as you make impulsive decisions while destroying your family and your life with your addictive compensations. You may smoke pot as a way to avoid responsibility – forever the pothead mentality. Or does the red carpet treatment in Vegas suit you — gambling away your livelihood and resources?

You may struggle with other ways to fend off your shadow awareness that things suck.  You can make sure you are overly busy, dashing from task to task, email to email, text to text, chore to chore, commitment to commitment, “important” obligation to “ important” obligation. You feel wanted, needed, and special as you live in a delusional grandiose high that falsely elevates your mood.

Underneath all of these compensations, you have real doubts about your self-worth, and you are riddled with feelings of inadequacy. You can double-down on those feelings and slide into self-loathing and self-hatred.

You may be plagued with preoccupations with others, voyeuristically entertaining yourself with fantasy scenarios about other’s lives. Social media assists you in this preoccupation. Preoccupation with others is an excellent avoidance technique and you can wile away innumerable hours this way. That process arouses dark and disruptive feelings of envy and jealousy that can turn into obsessive thoughts and repetitive ruminations.  You may get lost.

You are afraid to stand up for yourself. You did not learn this in your family of origin —worth, independence and confidence. You may have been mowed down, defeated before you began. There are many stories of how parents belittle and devalue their children. Now you might lead a life where you are dominated by your husband or wife. You submit to being controlled, insulted and live without precious freedoms that should be guaranteed to every life. You suffer with limited access to resources as you acquiesce in submission. You bought a sense of safety but with a high cost as you submit to captivity.

Need I say more? Can you wake up and realize you can stop and make drastic changes to open up opportunities for a good life? You are self-destructing and there is no one else to blame. If you feel enough pain, despair, hopelessness and helplessness, can you wake up and see you must change? Do you realize that you need to take action? You have an opportunity to transform. Answer the call.

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I hope you have enjoyed this teaser from Chapter 1 of my new book, The Psychotherapy Solution in Troubled Times: Tools for a Better Life. I will continue to update and give more information about a publication date as it becomes available!

© 2020